#38: The Remote Control NES Game
Can We Just Yank This Off The Air Instead?

NES: (1990)

Remote Control in 1990 was near its end.  A lot of people felt some burnout from the great show because not only was it on MTV, but in Syndication at the same time.  Sure both versions were good, but visibly, Ken Ober and the rest of the crew were feeling some burnout, especially after Alicia Coppola got dumped in favor of Susan Ashley.  Not only that, it seemed like the show was lacking the energy it had during the times that Kari Wuhrer was there, and even the early Alicia Coppola episodes.  I'd imagine that they were cranking out 300 or so episodes during that time, and even that would take out a lot on a host.  Now, while the show was still watchable, Hi-Tech Expressions got the rights to make an NES game out of the show.  What came out of that, was one of the worst games ever on the NES.

Hi-Tech Expressions is known for taking popular franchises and turning them into utter crappy NES Games.  They are the ones responsible for making such classic gems of gaming like...

Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival,

The Barbie Video Game, and not to mention 2 horrid game show translations in...

Win Lose or Draw &

Fun House.  I'll cover those two later on, but let's talk more about Remote Control.

Immediately when you start the game, you're inundated with some of the worst music in video game history.  This is supposed to sound like the Remote Control theme, but it doesn't.  What's worse is that this music loops throughout the entire game.  Yes, the entire time you're playing, you're stuck listening to this music.  If you want to listen to the music, look it up on Youtube, I'm not putting up a sample here.  It's just too darn painful.

Then you get to this screen where you pick out your character.  To be honest, they all look like utter crap.  That's one of the main sticking points with me about this game, the graphics all look like garbage.  It looks like the people behind this game didn't even want to take the time to try to do anything substantial.

What's worse, look how they made Ken Ober, the Zenith & the wall behind him.  Where are all the photos of Bob Barker, Bob Eubanks, Tom Kennedy, Bert Convy, Bill Cullen among other great game show hosts?  Why does Ken Ober have blond hair, when he has brown hair?  Why does the Zenith look almost nothing like the Zenith on the TV show?  My god, does these graphics bite the big one.  But god, that music.  It does suck.

Now I should get to the game itself.  It's like Remote Control on TV, except for stupid people.  All the questions are Multiple Choice, which the questions on the show rarely are.  All the usual categories are there, like Reruns, Prime Time, Bald Guys.  What irks me though is that there isn't much in the specialty categories that were used in the actual show.  Sure there was Beat the Bishop and the two penalty channels in Home Shopping Zone & Ranger Bob, but where was Sing Along With Colin, The Laughing Guy, Fairy Pixie Corner, Shakespeare TV and the rest of those great categories?  I'm also under the assumption that it would be too hard to have 2 more graphics having a character on another backdrop would be too much work for the developers.

Another irritating aspect of the game is that after a correct answer sometimes, you get the annoying host saying something insanely stupid about how you managed to get the right answer.  I mean, you pay money for this game and it outright insults  you when you get answers right.  What a load of bull.

Another insulting thing is the Snack Break in this game.  Normally, you'd see some food drop, but instead you get popcorn balls, or something that resembles something like that bouncing all over the screen.  I know this never happened on the show.  Maybe they could have dropped hot dogs or other food items.  But this?  If this was Double Dare, maybe, but not Remote Control.  Going back to the graphics, notice how the graphics sorta break apart when the food goes in front of them.  I mean, couldn't they fix the kinks in this game in order to avoid that?  Another thing, the looks of fear on the people.  It just seems like they're watching a bad episode of The Munsters than looking like normal people.

Off The Air, while not as insulting is equally moronic.  Instead of lifting the contestant off the screen, she gets hit by lightning and apparently melts off screen while the rest of the contestants watch with questionable looks.  I mean, unless people were watching Solitary, nobody in their right mind would watch a show where contestants get struck by lightning.  And another thing, the background they have here.  I mean, does that even look like a dartboard or just a pathetic attempt at something more worthwhile to play than this game.

The only thing done decently in this big mess of a game is a worthwhile version of Think Real Fast.  I mean, it actually plays sorta like the real version.  A list of words are shown, and you have to find the right word that replaces the wrong word in the TV show or movie listed on the top of the screen.  After some time, the round will end.  Now after this round, you're supposed to be going to the kraftmatic adjustible Bed or at least the Wheel of Jeopardy for the bonus game...

But leave it up to Hi-Tech Expressions to cop out some more. Instead of making a bonus game, you're now being given more crap by the lamewad of a host who says that he's proud to be your video game.  I wouldn't be proud to have this video game.  And look at that.  Another backhanded insult from the host.  I guess Hi-Tech Expressions knew they were putting out a crap game, and now they're insulting you for paying for a pile of crap.  Geez, screw these buffoons.

And the ending has your character in the logo of the show.

Wow.  I don't think I've played a game that tried so little, yet accomplished nothing at all.  Everything about this pile of garbage stinks.  The music, the sound effects, the graphics, the one music bed that plays throughout the game, the lack of special categories, the host sayings, the goddamned 12-second music loop that plays constantly in the game, the repeating questions, no bonus game and finally, THE CRAPTACULAR MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

But seriously, I found this game at a Seattle video game store for $3.  With tax that's $3.30 or so.  I decided against that game and spent that money on my friend so we each could get a bubble tea.  Although Bubble Tea only takes about 5 minutes to drink normally, it is more worth it than this pile of junk.  So, if you see this game anywhere, avoid it at all costs.

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